You.

After completing my first year of college I've come to accept the fact that everyone that told me college goes by fast was correct and I was just ignorant in not believing that thus far. In completing my first year, I've learned a lot about myself; strengths, weaknesses, but most importantly I've learned that being who I am is the point of being alive, and I shouldn't feel the need to conform to anyone else's ideals just to make them happy. My happiness comes first. And while I did learn how to successfully solve out:

 Y= 1/1-MPC[C + I + G - mpcT + NX]

I also learned that we only reach our goals by letting our inner selves show. I don't know where life is going to lead me after college... Maybe the tundra, or the the depths of the rainforest, or maybe to the tallest building situated right on the Hudson in NYC. Or maybe back to my Moms house (last resort? eh. we'll see) But I do know that in doing this all, I will be happy. Because college taught me to be my true self, and in pursuing that type of happiness, I will end up leaps and bounds beyond where I would end up without that happiness or education.
So for those of you who may think of forgoing college because of the cost, just remember...you learn a lot more about yourself and your life than what's in the textbooks, and what's a life worth living if you don't know who you are?

Givens.

Life has it's ups and downs, and fuck off if you want to tell me I'm being repetitive in my posts.. I know I am.

The point of this post isn't to tell you to go after the one that got away or to chase your dreams or to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

Those are all a given. 

I'm writing tonight to tell you guys to always follow your heart. Today I've been faced with a minor financial hiccup in my life, and after a few hours of brewing over it and worrying, I'm finally feeling happier.Yes, I have student debt. Yes, I could have chosen to go into the workforce. But I want something better for myself. For my future kids and future husband. I want a plaque on my wall that shows accomplishment in my life; To prove to anyone that has ever doubted me that I can achieve anything. But more importantly I want to prove to myself that I can be whoever I want to be, and for me that involved going into debt. 

And so after nights like this I pick myself back up and dust off the dirt on my pants, shake my head and realize I live a life full of bliss, and I should never worry about the future. I am where I am for a reason, in the debt I'm in for a reason, sitting at this computer at this exact moment for a reason; because this is where I'm meant to be. I couldn't be luckier to be leading this life of mine. Cherish every second possible; A life of woes is not one to look back on. 

Believe.

Life is good. So so so good. This week has been somewhat of a blur with many things due and a lot of events to be going to, but it's been good. I'm getting all my work for my classes done quickly, I'm getting good grades and I'm happy to be where I am. Looking forward to the future, this summer is lining up really nicely and next fall is looking great as well.

I could go on about how much I don't want to leave my school for four months because I love it so much, or I could also be dreading next semesters tuition bill; but I actively choose not to. Everything affects us in life one way or another, and it's all about how we look at the situation and handle it. Any situation we're placed in can be handled by ourselves, we just have to use the courage from within to overcome these situations and obstacles, or to actively choose not to let a situation affect us negatively. As humans we are instinctively strong..So when you're feeling down, get back up on that horse and show this world what you're made of, because I can bet it's leaps and bounds beyond what you were like off the horse. Believe in yourself, and you're unstoppable. 

Gay (Better known as Pat)

A lot of people ask me about being gay, and about coming out of the closet. I totally get the curiosity from people around me; i go to a catholic college, and I'm one of a few gays, so many people here aren't used to being around a gay, or rather don't believe in gay marriage, etc.
Being gay is not a choice. And if you think otherwise you probably are not going to like the rest of this post. Being gay also is not anyone's identity. Do any of you straight people identify or introduce yourself to someone by saying you're straight? No. You don't. And that's one problem with being gay. So many people ask you what it's like, when in reality it's just like their heterosexual selves. Just because we're gay doesn't mean we love differently. We just love a different sex. And currently are facing a huge social injustice, but in time it will get better. I have faith in that.
 Now this isn't to say being gay isn't great; it honestly is. I love who I am and to be growing up as a gay person in such a controversial time in history is somewhat of an honor. So when people ask me about being gay, I don't give it much thought anymore; I'm gay, but gay isn't me. I'm Pat, that freakishly tall kid walking around campus. People don't call me gay to get my attention..They call me Pat. Because that's who I am.
.

Do it.

March 11th and it's over 50 degrees out. In New England these are the days lived for between the mountains of melting snow and biting wind.

I just got back from running errands.  I had my sunroof open, window cracked, best friend by my side, and in that moment everything potentially "wrong" in my life escaped me. I'm living the best life possible for myself and while I find it easy to sulk in my sorrows, I'm beginning to find it equally as easy to be glorious in all of the good of my life. This time on earth is all we have, and I'm happy to be able to spend it with my incredible family and friends. 

Life is absolutely what you make of it. I know my blog doesn't have a clear direction, only a theme of living life to the fullest. Do it. You want those reflections of your life to be nothing but happiness and love. 

Small Victory

This week I'm home for Spring break. I love being home- my parents spoil me and I soak it in, because I miss their daily presence in my life. I thrived off having them by my side, and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss them while I'm at school.
But one thing I cherish is the new relationship I have with my parents. Although I am an "adult" and I have full independence, my parents almost treat me like an equal now a days. But they will always be teaching me and raising me, even though I may not be a kid anymore.
I explained to my mom the other day that someone I know is going through a personal struggle and that it's hard for me to watch considering I dealt with something similar, but I'm not supposed to know.
She cut me off. "Well, that's ok." [That this person is dealing with it personally.]
It was the simplest comment someone had made to me regarding this situation but it made so much sense. I have spent far too long contemplating the idea that I need to help this person through something I'm not even supposed to know about, but all my mom had to say was it's ok for them to be experiencing this. And that's when I realized it too. It's ok. It will be ok, my friend will be ok and everything will be ok. I don't need to be fixer, I just need to be a friend. And maybe when the day and timing work out, my friend will be able to approach me for help or guidance and I will give them the world of guidance and support.
When and if you're faced with a situation like this, just keep being the friend you are. People appreciate that more than you will ever know.
Small revelations like these...They are what make living on this earth worth while.

Love Always Wins

The social movement for gay rights has been making headlines again the last few weeks. Recently, both Kansas and Arizona have passed laws that more or less (Depending on the state) run along the lines of denying gays some form of rights. Arizona bases their in religious beliefs, which is a completely different story. In general both of these laws infuriate me, but they also give me hope for our nations future with gay rights.
Lawmakers in Az. and Ka. may think they're clever, but they don't realize that in passing these laws they are just further the gay communities efforts. Go ahead, deny any homosexual a right they have under the constitution, but do not expect us to sit back and take it. The U.S. has made monumental progress on equality for gays, and no bigot has the power to back pedal those advances. It's 2014 people, take your head out of your ass and accept the fact that equality is right around the corner.
Don't like gay marriage? Don't get gay married. I can't tell you how many heterosexual relationships I see that are more dysfunctional than any homosexual relationship I've ever seen, yet that heterosexual couple has the chance to marry? And the functional, homosexual relationship doesn't? Come on. Don't be an ass hat: 1. Not a good look and 2. dying out of fashion pretty quickly.
Don't ever be part of the majority oppressing a minority. They will always win. Love always wins.

Sitting Waiting Wishing

Patience is a virtue I've grown to accept over the years. I've been dealt a lot of situations where there was nothing I could do but wait, and being an organized and productive person this was a difficult concept to grasp. Something pertaining to me was out of my hands and it frustrated the hell out of me. But I stuck through and was able to come out wiser (or so I think).

So, I guess all those situations where I had to learn to be patient are paying off, because I find myself in this place again. Whether I like this place or not, I don't know yet. But I'm able to understand it and not let it frustrate me anymore. Everything happens for a reason in life and whether or not we like it, and now I am able to see things clearer than if I hadn't dealt with those previous situations.

Again, I can't come right out and say what this situation is; it's just barely beginning to involve me but I do possibly see some more involvement of mine in the future.

Just remember that everything you're put through is for a reason, and at some point the tools you learn from those difficult or trying times will certainly help you in the long run. Cherish everything in life make it a good one- like I always say its the only life you've got. 

Priceless

Sometimes it's really hard to keep goals and dreams in sight. The past few days, although I have been accomplishing a lot, I've been in a daze. I'm letting little things crawl into my head and they make me lose sight of what really matters: family, friends, and my education.
Family is a big pillar for me. They are my rock, my everything. Without them I wouldn't be who I am or where I am without their unconditional love and support. How I ever got so lucky to have a family like that, I may never know. But I cherish every single crazy one of them and I wouldn't want it any other way. They've taught me more than I will ever learn in college and I owe my deepest gratitude for them giving me that gift. It's truly priceless.
Friends: the second big pillar for me. My friends keep me grounded. They listen to me when I want to make people laugh but are there for me when I need to cry. They all say how they appreciate how much I do for them, but I'm the one that should be thanking them; They have given me one of the best gifts a friend could ever want- happiness. What more could I want from them?
My education means more to me than I will ever know. College is a time to help me find myself, and to learn what I want to spend my life doing. I see so many options before me, and while my student loans keep me in balance I know the world is mine to conquer when I graduate.
So when you lose sight of the big picture, just ask yourself what you have to be thankful for. Because that's all that matters.

Perfectly Imperfect

In all my complaining, it came to me: My life is perfect. It's perfectly imperfect, and that's what I love. I have my friends, an amazing family, and a wonderful education. When I think life may "totally suck" and it couldn't "get any worse" I try and think about people who are less fortunate. I have a bed to sleep in at night, a car to get my places, a roof always over my head. I have money to survive on, food to keep me alive, and more love than I know what to do with. The way I see it, everything else I complain about is completely irrelevant. So, if you're reading this, I encourage you to count your blessings, to think of the great things you have going for yourself and to try and help those who may be less fortunate; We all have our own things to deal with, and we are all at different places in our life, but if we can help those who may be less fortunate, thats a better gift than anything you'd ever want. Life is good, and it's only what you make of it. We have once chance at life, so make sure its something worth reflecting on.

The Not-so Typical Approach

Sometimes the best way to face a problem or situation is not head on. I recently have found myself in a predicament that actually has nothing to do with me and does not affect me, yet I let it get to me. The gist of it is someone is either spreading rumors about someone I know (a good acquaintance), or they are spreading this persons deepest secret. With that having been said, I'd like to help this person but considering me (and the rest of my campus) is not supposed to know, I've been refraining from doing any such thing. But it's hard; I have been in a situation like my acquaintance (may) be in and sometimes you want help and support but have no way of asking for it in fear that you'd let the secret go.
The Moral of the story?
If you find yourself where I am, just let the situation be. Chances are it isn't any of your business, but in due time that person could be approaching you for help. Just be there for them when and if they come to you. We all need friends and allies especially during hard times, so just be understanding and loving. If they don't approach you? Then maybe it was truly nothing, and this person really does not need any help. We all deal with personal matters in our own ways, and that's partially the beauty of it.

Right Around the Corner

 Sometimes we just have that week where nothing will go our way no matter how hard we try...And that's okay. The week of hell I experienced this past week, while trying at times, has taught me a lot about myself. The way I see it, we're only put through what we can handle and while many people may not believe in that, I do. What most people don't see in the worst of circumstances is that in the moment, you're becoming stronger. You're learning, growing, trying to understand. All of this is the beauty of it because without these instances you would be dormant. You wouldn't find out the lengths that you can reach without those trials and tribulations. 

Do not ever give up, because when you give up you are not just giving up on yourself but on everyone else who relies on you. So, I encourage you to stay positive even through the roughest of times, because the good stuff is right around the corner. You just have to get to it!

2014

Time seems to be flying by me lately. I don't know how, but everything is changing around me. Surroundings, dynamics, goals. It's a crazy experience that I know is training me for when I am on my own; you know, after college, when I'm really "on my own." (College is not living on your own. you're living on student loans, ramen and maybe some change from Mom and Dad).
I'm writing this post for 2 reasons. 1, I want to get back to writing on this blog regularly this year and 2. I want to try and help people achieve new goals and levels they may not have thought they could achieve before reading this.
I know from personal experience that someone can be taken away from loved ones far too soon. While it is heartbreak for many, it is also a reminder that time is not infinite. Today is "that day" to get started on whatever you have been putting off: the new garden you want, the trip you've wanted to plan to an exotic place, even the new book you've been wanting to start; do it. start it. I know this is a cliche way to reignite thinking on New Years Resolutions- but I hope it works. Fill your life with happiness, love and laughter. Forget the pain and manage with the sorrow- anything is only what you make of it, so make sure your life is worth reflecting on. You've been given one chance on earth. Make it worthwhile.

-Pat